(To bear the weight / And push into the sky) It’s easier to run

09Aug12

Maybe my parents already know me. Or they’ve learned a bit. After seven or eight change of addresses for the past six years, maybe they could already guess.

Maybe it’s because of the weather. Maybe the gloominess sapped life energy out of me. Or not. Could be. Maybe it magnified everything. I didn’t really think I was that kind of person until lately. I don’t know why I can’t stay put. I know I’m restless but I didn’t know up to what extent. To think that if I’d get married or love and be loved, I’d want someone who could stay with me for the rest of life. Who can I stand? Or rather, who can stand me? Yes. Family. They can stand me. Whatever I do. They can stand me. And I can get angry. I can not talk for eternity. I can be lazy (at times). They’ll be mad at me. They could curse me and the sky. But they’ll never they can’t leave me. Ha-huh. Selfish. But head’s too cloudy to think about other things.

This is too early. Way too early. But different people at the same time. Understandable. But I still think that this is too early. I cannot call my parents and hear them say “I told you so” or something to that effect. I cannot call my parents because I will try and give things a chance. Due dates, if you may.

This thing makes me think about that cutting off things or stopping when things are still, well, happy. We cannot always push our lucks.

Take away all my fucking sadness now, Mr. Rod Stewart. As if this is even sadness.

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