“It’s all coming back to me now”, sabi ni Celine Dion


(I am so sleepy. Writing this post is a struggle.)

Better that we break..

This is probably because of what I felt when I saw that person. And maybe a bit because of doing one half of the official-ness needed to being in an inch closer to the end. And maybe also because I despise this summer’s heat.

I planned to settle my school status today and apply for residency. The person at the college secretary’s office was surprisingly nice and jolly. I wondered how in my five years in school did I not notice that attitude of his before. But anyway, he validated and assessed my form and told me to go to the library and be cleared for any deficiencies and have my adviser sign my form so I could pay. So I did. I went to the main library for the clearance and into our department office to ask for the adviser. Turned out the OIC who’s in concern of that stuff went somewhere so I was asked to just come back after lunch. Met up with a friend at the org tambayan and had a nice conversation (albeit the ‘heavy’ topic) with her (I like having conversations that end up with me knowing more about the other person.)

After more than an hour, the friend I asked to have lunch with me arrived. Friend 1 had to go home. Friend 2 and I went to the nearby cafeteria for lunch. She went home after (threat of rain) and I proceeded with settling my residency. OIC’s door was locked so I went into the department and found out he went out again to probably eat lunch. Shat. So I went back to his office and sat outside and waited for him. It was more or less a sweaty thirty minutes and half a dozen times of arranging my legs for comfort before one person arrived and opened the door with his keys.

I looked up. Person was looking at me. Dumbfounded. Person was the Polsci prof who reminds me of dead star. Asked if he was the prof I was looking for. He said yes. I told him I have to have him sign my form as the adviser. He asked what about residency and what is its implication. Answered him. He read and signed. Awkward. Checked my phone. Planned to pretend to be doing something about it. Hesitated. I thought it was rude. Put the phone back in my pocket and watched him sign the papers instead. He finished and handed me back the form. I said thanks and went out of the room.

Texted Friend 1 about what I found out while making my way out of the building to the shed where I’d wait for the jeep that’d take me in a much lesser time to the payment center. I was halfway to being absentminded if not almost like it. I was both preoccupied about thoughts of which now seem vague to me ..and with nothing in particular, at the same time. I almost failed to notice that I was on my supposed stop.

Went to the payment center. Paid for the fee I incurred for that residency (which was actually almost just the library fee). And I realized that maybe apart from being pressured to answer immediately, the reason of my opting for that library access is because it’s almost, almost the only thing, one small thing left of my undergrad student  thing. I need to have something to hold on to. I won’t be attending meetings in classrooms this time. I need to have something that will make me feel like I am still here. That I still should not feel a significant amount of awkwardness because I still have a right to this thing. I am not done. Not yet. I could still have my student ID validated at the library and I could still go in and out as I please to any one of the libraries of the school given that I present them the validated ID. And I could still borrow books (not that I need to) and return them past their due dates. I am still, technically, a UP student. Eat that, world.

This could be the "almost-end"

There’s something in knowing that you’re actually older (soopersenior) than almost the rest of the university population.. than almost all of the other passengers of that Ikot jeep you take to get to CSSP or wherever. I am older (in university years if not in age). We get older.

Almost-off-topic: Yet, dead star, why do you remain to affect me with bits and pieces of you : | You’re supposed to be dead.


5 Responses to ““It’s all coming back to me now”, sabi ni Celine Dion”

  1. 1 csiy

    konting kembot nalang,Tin! 🙂 super selfish pero at least I get to still see you around UP this summer… 🙂

    gusto ko ung emphasis sa we get older… :p

    • Keriballs lang. Pangit lang ang feeling na iiwan mo ang isang bagay permanently.. anghirap pakawalan. : )

      • 3 csiy

        tama… pero kahit na iiwan mo man un, may memories at mga tao (na hindi ka lulubayan kahit ano gawin mo >:)) ka pa namang makakapitan kahit papaano… 🙂 at may babalikan ka pa naman kung iiwan mo man un… hindi ka naman nun pakakawalan ng ganun-ganun lang… :p

      • Ayokong mag-assume at mag-expect (dahil mahirap otherwise). Fickle ang mga tao as much as we might deny it. You might be surprised kung pano ko mina-‘manage’ ang mga relationship ko with other friends. :] Pero pangarap ko actually na dumating tayong lahat sa point na nagkikita parin kahit lahat tayo or karamihan satin ay tapos na sa school. Libre lang mangarap. 🙂 BUT! That doesn’t change my feelings for you, guys. I still ❤ you bigtime. 🙂

  2. 5 csiy

    tomo tomo! and yes, i understand naman ang “management” of friends… :p sana nga in the future magkita-kita pa rin… 🙂 tipong may mga trabaho na tayo or may mga asawa’t anak na… HAHA! ang layo na pala ng pangarap! :)) WE LOVE YOU TOO! 😀

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