You could be..


‘Pag nasaktan s’ya, ako makakalaban mo.

or something like that.

That’s just the most moving statement I’ve ever heard someone say (in defense of)/about me. Seriously.

It’s 8:46 in the evening and I heard that at around quarter to 11 this morning. But whenever I remember it, I get this super-struck of kiligness feeling. As I put it, I died (of kiligness).

I never had a boyfriend. I’m close to being twenty. And I don’t know if I even did get anywhere near to having one. Of course I’ve had a bit of what people call “pambobola” but they also just don’t get anywhere near of what I’ve just heard this morning. Hell, not even a fraction close to it.

I am aware that I AM making this a big deal. But there’s just something in that statement that touched/touches me. (Even with heaps of kiligness that I felt and is still feeling, I know it touched/touches me).

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever made me feel that way. Close guy and girl friends say protective, touching and thoughtful things about me but I’ve never felt this way before.

Okay. So, yes, the person who said this is a former crush (decidedly though not really sure about it, since he has a girlfriend and I don’t really like ‘liking’ people with ‘partners’ already). A (decidedly) former crush whom really has an appealing charm and cuteness (there we go, evidently acknowledging and appreciating) that could possibly make every girl swoon. So maybe that could be considered a factor. (Hmm, yes, could be.).

[I am again attacked by my constant need to explain myself. So I will in this post, (the “probability of me noticing someone” part).]

There. I met this person when I started trying for a self-defense sport. He’s one of the instructors. It’s last summer. I trained for self-defense the whole summer thus making me see him/them,instructors three times a week for roughly two months. One or two of my aunts would usually watch the training since their kids (my cousins) also train. And one of my aunts, after a few meetings, said that this instructor always seem to look at me/my direction, would always smile, and would often, as my aunt say, go to where I am at the training area to sometimes correct me, approve what I do, or just to walk on by.

As much as possible, I avoid making expectations. That could be the reason why some say I am dense. I disagree. I could be dense but I think I’m not really the type to not really notice other people’s ‘odd’ behavior. Yes, I think I get what my Aunt was saying. There were times when I, too, would notice instructor’s ‘attention’. BUT as I wrote above, he’s a crush at that time. And when you get crushes you tend to exaggerate and overthink. But since another person (my Aunt) noticed it, I have an excuse to not think that I’m just having a ‘crush syndrome’.

He has, or at least had, a girlfriend. So hitting on another girl, if he’s matino would be a no-no. Assuming that he’s matino, I finally formulated something that could actually be an explanation of his behavior. I am studying at the premier university in the country. People, more noticeable in the province, in general would have this respect towards you, some kind of looking at you with reverence.  I think what he has, or the reason behind his behavior, is that he is interested in me as a person as opposed to the implicit and sometimes explicit romantic blah of my Aunt’s remarks.

Well, this post is looking more like a post about that person, which isn’t supposed to be. I actually intended this post for that feeling. For that remark that shook me on my ground. (That “swept me off my feet” cliche suddenly crossed my mind, but on second thought, maybe I won’t use it as it seems to me now that using it would devalue what I feel).

This morning’s training, we were asked to have non-contact sparring. I was paired with a blue-belt guy (I am a yellow-belt). This guy have all the advantages: height, skill, speed, power, and aggressiveness. I get why person repeatedly reminded blue-belt guy that what’s supposed to take place is a non-contact sparring (meaning the offense of the attacker should not make contact with the person being attacked, so no one should be hurt) as people the type of blue-belt guy would launch an attack almost, if at all with hesitance and control, with the goal of hurting his opponent, feeding his ego hungry of win. [To also cite my weaknesses: (1) I am not that strong (yet :]), (2) I was previously already injured from a sparring that left me panicking for my foot and my life (running, I think, is an important thing for me), and (3) maybe they already know that I do not really like (despise, sometimes) sparring]. So, person spent the whole time (while the two other instructors are busy pairing the others) reminding blue-belt guy that it’s non-contact. Reminded blue-belt guy at least twice that his attacks should make no contact and should therefore not hurt me. I was being nonchalant while this was happening and I wasn’t looking (my back’s on them) when he uttered the words that would apparently hit me this big and looks like it would stay with me for as long.

Minus the devaluation I earlier related to it, it’s my “swept me off my feet” if it’s a cliche. I was momentarily astounded and I was left on a cloud nine, and maybe on an eternal gratitude (on that person) for making me feel that/this way.

All this time I thought the one(s) would be the only one(s) responsible for sweeping you off your feet. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe sweeping you off your feet isn’t a job exclusive for the one(s). Maybe it could be done by just any other person, or maybe not that any other person. But still someone you didn’t expect to. I am grateful. I am joyed. 🙂

And turns out, I’d use the cliche after all. Four times at that.


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